Last year, I spent my birthday at a hotel in Toronto. It was low-key cool with a great view, and because it was the middle of the week I got that feeling of getting away with something super juicy. The terrycloth robes had both pockets and hoods—a rarity—and the caesar salad was insane. Everything was perfect until I returned to my room on day two where I discovered a $300 bill on the bed for cleaning related to smoking in the suite. Before you judge me for my naughty behaviour, know that I’ve already given myself a slap on the wrist for it. It wasn’t even cold out! It was just a whole lot cozier smoking in my room and blowing it out over the Humber Valley. Only after that did I see a tip from stoner comedian Doug Benson on smoking in a hotel room and getting away with it. There are quite a few good ones out there that have served me well on my travels. So, let me save you $300 with the tips that work for masking marijuana smoke in hotel rooms.
1. Tip the cleaning crew daily, even if you haven’t made much of a mess beyond the lingering odor of some dank Pink Kush. (This, I believe, was my biggest mistake)
2. When comedian Doug Benson (“Getting Doug with High” & “Super High Me”) saw that an invention called the AirGuard would soon be tattling on anyone smoking tobacco or weed in their hotel room, he declared a boycott on hotels that used the device. His choice device is the Smokebuddy, which is a personal air filter or industrial “sploof.” It’s the kind of thing that should be sold in 3-packs: one for the house, one of the car, one for the backpack.
3. Make a sploof with a plastic bottle, some dryer sheets, and a cutting utensil. Rinse the bottle out, puncture the base several times and feed dryer sheets into the bottle one at a time, allowing them to expand inside the bottle. When the bottle is full of dryer sheets, you can poke a hole into the cap and add a final dryer sheet under the cap as you screw it back on. Exhale through the sploof bottle to turn even the skunkiest Super Skunk into Bounce® Fresh Linen.
4. Smoke in the bathroom with the fan turned on. Bonus level: roll up one of those luxurious bath towels and lay along the bottom of the door for that old school hot box effect. This gets a 40/100 for effectiveness and should only be attempted in hotels with dummy windows; Las Vegas, for instance.
5. Joints and blunts are probably the worst things you could smoke because they leave more of a detectable odor. Use vape pens and avoid having to follow some of the above tips. Except for number one – – always tip your cleaning crew!